I'm pretty sure that my identity crisis has become a full fledged, albeit incredibly functioning, depression. It might be because I stopped washing my hair every day. It might be seasonal. It might be just me. But all I want to do is drink beer, eat chicken wings, and watch movies. I joined Netflix, and am cramming as many movies as I can into my free trial. I ate chicken wings and didn't count them. Or regret it. Or make sure Ned had his fill before I dived in (almost literally.) I never thought chicken wings would make me happy, or movies, (I would say beer, but...) but these days it's a whole new ballgame here on Roanoke. Or at Charlie O'briens. Or in (as Jackie, who ain't the happiest camper herself, and I dream about on the phone together, yelling over screaming children in the background) "a dark room with movie after movie, calorie free food, and addiction-proof cigarettes." Yes, this is what Jackie and I collectively yearn for. No wonder our sister Ro calls us the Simpson sisters.)
It's so bad that this morning I asked Ned to drop my latest Netflix flick in the post office box before dropping the girls off at school, so it would go out at 8, and hopefully my next movie will come tomorrow. I told this to Kiwi Herman today, and she gasped and called me "alarming". Well, fudge. What the hell am I supposed to do? Although a practicing Catholic, I'm an "atheist at heart" (some call it practical. Who knows.), and a lukewarm soul at that. My mind is not being exercised, and my big decisions are in truth trite moments pulling me through the day. There are too many addicts in my life, and just when I think I've got it all figured out, my MOTHER (damn her) tells me she thinks I'm having a break down. I don't like Ned anymore, and my nieces and Bff's kids are being enrolled in a 4 hour a week kindergarten called "Holy Cherubs". Hello, semi-homeschooled kids around 24-7. So long, shopping excursions and lunches. I don't even like shopping anymore, anyway. I do like lunch though. Which reminds me that I don't like Ned anymore, because today when I told him I was gonna buy a Groupon (in which I would pay $10 for $25, mind you) to an Irish Pub by our house, he snappily said "why don't you invest in some spoons instead. I can never find any spoons. You get all these good deals, why don't you get a good deal on silverware." Holy freakin cow. Charlie Sheen may know a thing or two about how to live. Goodbye, wholesome. Hello, bender.
Let it aaaaall out, sylvia- lmao!
ReplyDeleteFavorite quotes from your nervous breakdown:
'I dream about...a dark room with movie after movie, calorie free food, and addiction-proof cigarettes."
'...my nieces and Bff's kids are being enrolled in a 4 hour a week kindergarten called "Holy Cherubs". Hello, semi-homeschooled kids around 24-7.'
'Charlie Sheen may know a thing or two about how to live. Goodbye, wholesome. Hello, bender.'
ok, first off, seasonal affective disorder. i have left the house once during the weekdays in the past 2 weeks. yeah, thats right, mrs. flippin playdate addict herself don't do playdates anymore. (and yes i'am aware of my double negatives!
ReplyDeletesecondly, i always dive into food, never count calories and considered eating my #1 favorite hobby. like, i love food. i can't even fathom a diet, unless its like obligatory religious fasting, and i get sooooo excited just to go out to eat. some might think me a glutton, but dude, food is amazing!
and movies? ummm yes please! one of my guilty pleasures is my odd interest in anything that has to do with vampires. and yes, the one show mike and i watch happens to be Vampire Diaries. Now if anything will make you feel better about your netflix'ing, it is surely that disclosure right there. all for you baby!
and what are we on, fourthly? i lost count. i think a whole post should be devoted to explaining what this one sentence means..."Although a practicing Catholic, I'm an "atheist at heart" (some call it practical. Who knows.), and a lukewarm soul at that." like literally, every.single.time there is at least one thing in your posts that have me so perplexed. i cannot keep up with the complex symbolic and clever nature that is the koch family writing style.
which leads me to my fifth point...mind being exercised? as a stay at home mom? good luck with that, tho you will get no pity from me as i'am more than positive that your family keeps you more than occupied in that arena. heck, i have a degree in clinical psych and am still ill-equipped to even carry on a functioning conversation with a room full of kochs. the wittiness that flies through the room gives me a mini anxiety attack from years past (you knew there had to be a reason why i majored in psych, right?)
maybe give up shopping and do what i do....re-decorate the whole house online without ever having to actually leave it. on second thought, don't do this, i have devoted an excessive amount of time, money and energy to this endeavor over the past couple months with most rooms only being 50% done and with the knowledge that i will probably rot in purgatory for all my materialism. maybe my plentiful st. luke's donations will help mediate some of that. please God!
lastily and most importantly, your bff came up with the name, o-tay!
p.s. this is me not holding back. scary, isn't it?
p.s.s. please don't make a post about my basement!
holy moly that is loooooong!
ReplyDeleteno, nope. the sheer length of that comment necessitates a true expletive.
ReplyDeletedamn, thats an obscenely loooooooooooong comment.
oh my joey ill go out to lunch with you (as long as it 1.75 hours or less.) You're depressed because we're missing late night talks. i'd be depressed too, but I guess I'm so depressed that Im too tired to care.
ReplyDeleteI have the solution for you Jo, too bad you don't want to accept it.
ReplyDeletei'm dying to hear what solution Rose has!
ReplyDeletei think profe is nicole koch, lauren. very confusing.
ReplyDeleteoh thanks. nic? what's the solution
ReplyDeleteAsk Jo, she knows.
ReplyDeleteOur free trial of Netflix expires in one week...I feel like I've watched more movies in the past 21 days than I have my entire life.
ReplyDeleteBuffalo equals depression. January and February plus Buffalo equals suicide.
We should hang out again because I absolutely love reading your blog and I had fun back in December! :)