Friday, March 4, 2011

Ned's losin' me till Lent

Ned came home from a long day at work the other day, looked at me, and said "I'm concerned about you." He meant it. I was at the kitchen table littered with beer bottles and snuff, with Dan the D-bag and my cousin. My cousin is a gambler from Vegas (actually a small town by Vegas, but we tell everyone Vegas), who gets Dan and me addicted to snuff every time he comes to visit. Snuff is pulverized tobacco that you inhale through your nose (in other words,  blow. That's kind of Ned's point.). It makes Ned's sinuses hurt, but Dan and I took to it immediately, and have had one hell of a week. On day 2 of his trip, my cousin said incredulously, "Most people don't take to snuff this fast!", turned slowly to me, "Especially girls." Welcome to Buffalo, Bret. I even overheard Jackie asking for it in a high, clear voice.
     Top my cousin coming to visit with the fact that there was one week left till Lent, and I'm giving up drinking. For 40 days. I wonder if Ned and I will still get along. I wonder if anyone and I will still get along, for that matter.
So, of course, I have been on as much of a bender as I can pull off while still taking care of Ned and the girls. I informed Ned yesterday that, since not only will I not be going out without him, but since I will be his cheerful DD for the entirety of Lent, the next 5 nights are to be spent at my discretion. As amiable and supportive as Ned wants to be, this kind of stuff does not sit well with him. He is the nicest chauvinist you'll ever meet. Last night was the 1st night I had plans to go out. My friend and I were waiting for Ned to come home so we could leave, when he texted me that he was going out. "LOL!!!" I wrote back, trying to keep it light. That was Ned's way of asking if he could watch the last 15 minutes of the hockey game. Sure, Ned. You're being so supportive of my bender, and all. He made it home, asked Jessica all the right questions (Ned's great in social situations) and warily showed us to the door. We drank beer and after my 'mild' periodic suggestions, Jessica agreed to split nachos. They filled a void. Ned better really love me, cuz somehow my unhinged pre-Lent boozin' has come to include unhinged eating as well. Is my Lent Ned's Penance? I'll have to ask Ned tonight, in between him coming and me going.

1 comment: