Christmas-1, Ned-0

Ned's obviously not going to get these for me, so you can.

I always know Christmas is around the corner when I innocently walk through my living room and feel 2 small brown eyes getting smaller as they watch me pass. Good will? Ned quite literally shrinks with ill will when it comes to buying me gifts. His problem? That I love to shop. Not only do I love to shop, but I'm good at it. Ned's conclusion? That I already know what he'll buy and that I could get a much better deal. So Ned spirals into a hopeless depression and buys me full price...gadgets. Or slippers. (Last year, he watched me coldly as I opened a pair of slippers I had admired while we were shopping, and said "You knew I went back, didn't you." Not a question. A statement.) I try and make the holidays easier on Ned, by telling him deals. Hello, dealnews.com. Here's us over lunch: "Hey, Ned, Victoria's Secret has free slippers with any pajama purchase. (I don't care what my mother thinks.) Victoriassecret.com. I think the plaid ones are so cute. Uhhhh item 260-142....." .... "Ned?" Ned's response? "Huh? Yeah, they're cute. Don't you have a lot of pajamas?" Oh, Ned. There is nothing wrong with cute new flannel pajamas from your loving husband. Size extra small. With a bottle of champagne. And some slippers. 

He does a good job with his surprises, though. Last year he got me a sweet espresso machine. I live on espresso. And Ned has a damn clean house because of it.  And one year he got me a car starter. And I was pregnant. I was irrationally insulted because I thought it meant he thought I was too fat to start my own car. Maybe that's why Ned and gifts result in despair.

I'm done Christmas shopping for Ned. He's so fun to shop for. Maybe I'll videotape his responses and post them to the blog. If Ned approves. Odds are slim to none.