Dan the D-bag

On perpetual diets
With three pounds to lose.
But everyone knows that
her problem is ________.

Yes, this was a poem written about me. Can you fill in the blank? (Hint: say it out loud.)
It was written by Dan the D-bag. Dan the D-bag is long overdue for a post. He is (over)  INVOLVED in my life. He is my younger brother by three years, but suggests (from time to time) that I behave more like him. He is nervy as hell, as Jackie would say. Classic Dan? Breezing through my house, leaving his boat-sized shoes where I'll trip over them, grabbing a handful of cherries from my kitchen, and saying "Whelp, I'm gonna take a nap." Then he looks around, laughs, and says "Sucks you've got all these kids."  Yes, he seriously says that.
Just a bit of Dan here....he and Ned are involved in a sickening bromance. Last night I passed through my living room, only to see two dead sets of eyes staring at the T.V (not me. They rarely focus on me, jajaja!! Laugh and laugh and fall apart?) and Dan signaled to me for 2 more beers while never taking his eyes from the Tube. Ned's response at someone ordering around his beloved wife? A high-pitched giggle. (While never taking his eyes off the Tube.) These are basically my room mates. I'm raising three girls in a frat-house.

The mess Dan leaves in my house.

     Dan tends to lie on my couch for way too long. Not to mention that he is way too long. So no one else can sit. Dan could care less. This is him in a nutshell. Once he saw a home video of himself and said "Wow. I am arrogant!" Duh, Dan.
Don't get me wrong. Dan's funny as hell. He is the source of many of my friends woes. (Can I tag Kiwi Herman?) He often does the right thing. But he is the youngest of seven, so who can blame him for having a prince-complex?